Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
