You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize