Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
