Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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