i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize