just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
