The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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