Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
