So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
