I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
