hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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