Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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