I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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