I haven't been this sober since birth.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
