like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
