remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize