i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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