i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
