I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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