Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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