I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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