I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm too high and old for this...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
