Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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