I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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