I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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