who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
