Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
