You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
