I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
