apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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