lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
