I wish my penis had an off switch
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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