I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
