I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
