my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
