remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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