Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
