The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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