I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
