It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
