So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
