I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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