So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
fuck your aforementioned shoe
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
