Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize