Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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