can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
