And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
