Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
