I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
