i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
