you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
