matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
