I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
