i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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