This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
