At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
