i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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