you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
