I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
