I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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