Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Shame is for Republicans.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
