when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
