DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
