The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
