Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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