i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
