Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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