I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
