so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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