question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
