Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
