If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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