listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
