He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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