And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
