Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
