I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
