God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
