Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
