and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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