Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
