As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize