he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My vagina is officially offended.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
