Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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