Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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