I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
