i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
