I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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