definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize