Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
