The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
