just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
