yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
