I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were trust falling into bushes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize