We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
