If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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