FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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