I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Randomize
