she was so not down for the gang bang
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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