Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
